Our visitors are gone. I’m in between consulting jobs and still, halfheartedly I admit, looking for a full-time job. I’ve begun ticking off lingering items on my must-do list, taking time to pursue my painting, going to boot camp 3x a week to stay in shape, making dates with people whose company I enjoy, and doing other things like writing this blog to feed my soul so to speak. I feel strangely sanguine about not having work at the moment.

Over the years, I’ve heard people talk about the need to be “still” enough to hear an inner voice—to let things come to you that get drowned out by the clutter and noise that invade our lives. I think now is that “still” time for me. I crave it as much as I need a drink of water after a 5-mile run or my husband’s sweet kiss. I feel as if I’ve been busy raising children, earning a living and all sorts of other things that keep me from doing, or help me avoid discovering, what it is that I want to do in this life at this time.

Do I know what I want to do? No, can’t say that I do. I’ve always envied people who have a passion. Family is certainly a passion and, for many years, passion was my passion and I poured myself into relationships good and bad. My life has been relatively unplanned…meandering into opportunities and paths that seemed enticing or necessary at the time. This seeming randomness obviously appeals to me. I enjoy being open to possibilities, not being driven by a master plan. This may surprise some people I’ve worked with in the past, because as a supervisor I can be all about knowledge and “process” (though I see “process” as a fluid framework that helps avoid the need to reinvent the wheel for each project and instead lets a team or individual concentrate on substance and creativity).

Anyway, I now find myself shunning the outside noise and trying to protect this precious time even though I’m not entirely sure how to approach it. Generally, I’m a proactive person; figure something out and just do it. So not trying to control the situation or search high and low for answers is new to me. Circumstances have provided this gift of time, and I’m determined to make it worthwhile.

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