In my fifty-plus years, I never really decided what I wanted to do when I grew up. Instead I’ve been carried by the flow of day-to-day life and happenstance. My college major was chosen by default. I had jobs in which I grew and learned, and these led to other advanced opportunities. I’ve jumped in and out of different career frying pans at different times—bold or stupid moves depending on your viewpoint, but always eventually resulting in forward movement and a happier me. Recently I left a job that I couldn’t envision myself doing a moment longer—I actually had that feeling for 4+ of the 5 years I was there— even though the pay was good and a substantial part of our family income. Currently I’m cobbling together consulting gigs to provide income. I read job descriptions. I halfheartedly job seek. I get called for a few interviews. I try to pretend that the company and job are fascinating and that I am too. So far I have convinced neither the company nor myself.

In a sense I’m treading water, wondering if I need to hit financial bottom to motivate myself. My sweet husband has informed me that we could exist on his salary if we eliminate ALL extras, quit eating as much and intend to work ‘til our dying day. I often hope for some sort of divine intervention or flash of insight. Meanwhile I endeavor to seek, and to be open to, possibilities. Are there other people my age dealing with the same been-there-done-that feeling in their careers, or the feeling that time is running out and there has to be a better way to spend your life? I’ve jumped out of the career frying pan again, and I’m not sure that I can jump back into it without feeling like I’ve given up on something.

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